john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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