Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
