if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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