Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
