What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
