A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
