I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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