You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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