If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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