Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
