He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
sex in a hospital.. check
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
