So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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