There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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