i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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