i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
