now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
