At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
