my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm passing your future prison.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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