Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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