you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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