I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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