Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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