the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
