Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
