what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
