Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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