I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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