i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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