Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
