OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
