I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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