First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
