I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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