I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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