ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My cat gives me a boner
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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