I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
