its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
