I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
