Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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