I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize