I just saw a hot homeless man
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
