Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
