she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
