the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
