I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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