FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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