You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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