eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My liver just had a heart attack.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
