y did u give ur computer a hand job?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
