If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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