Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
