Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
