Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Randomize
