Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
