this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
