i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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