You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
