Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
