what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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