It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
