I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
