sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
