You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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