apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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