She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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