Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
