Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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