I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
