Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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